A Path Called Me

Author: Paulina

  • A Treasured Guest

    Humility visited me today, and I was surprised—because I thought it had been here all along… But when it sat down with me in the living room, I suddenly felt peace. I felt like myself, like never before.

    Then I heard: “It’s good to have you back. I’ve missed you. I saw how you struggled—thinking you knew better, walking in circles, feeling frustrated, making all those silly decisions, and asking God why He wasn’t helping you. But he was here all along, just observing you with love and care, protecting you the entire time.

    You knew he was there. You knew he was protecting you. He heard you asking for protection, even as you wandered into all those places, thinking you knew better. But he was certain you would find your way back here.

    You had to let go of the frustration and the demands, because God don’t take orders—it respond to your being. And now this moment has come. That’s why I came to visit you today—because somewhere along the way, you left me behind, and I kept waiting until you were ready to let me back in.

    Without me, everything you achieve and do means a little less. Life tastes better when we walk side by side, don’t you think?

    It’s wonderful to see who you’ve become through all the hardship. It’s so beautiful to see how you now respond to everything—both good and bad.”

    And then: “Ask yourself—how are you now? 

    May I tell you what I see? You feel better without the need for revenge or to hurt those who hurt you. You feel peace and freedom. You feel space around you and curiosity for what is to come.

    Remember, expressing how you feel is okay. But saying or doing things just to hurt someone will never give you what you truly seek and need. We can only  know ourselves by being around others. We learn and grow through our experiences, situations, and relationships

    I am proud of you, and I know you are here to stay. And so am  I.”

  • Positive vs. Negative

    I read everywhere lately about being positive and keeping only high vibes. And my question is: what about the other side of being human?

    What about low vibes and negative emotions?

    What are we supposed to do with them? Pretend they don’t exist? Suppress them at all costs?

    Gosh, it seems like no matter what is going on in the world or in our lives, we’re expected to choose one or the other. But the reality is that we are made of both light and darkness. Joy and pain. Love and anger.

    And I am all about love, happiness, and kindness. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get angry or sad.

    I have a teenager at home.

    So I would dare all the “positive vibes only” people to spend a day with her. After asking her twenty times to do one thing, let’s see how positive you still are.

    And if someone can stay positive through all of that, then either they truly don’t care, or they’re pushing their anger deep inside. Nobody is patient enough not to lose it at some point.

    I spent years learning how to be calm and peaceful because I was angry for so long that I became tired of it. It was affecting me and the people around me.

    The peace and calmness I have today are some of my greatest victories.

    Not losing myself when someone attacks me feels like a huge win.

    But there are still moments when something really pisses me off, and I need to feel that I have the right to express it. Not in a way that hurts myself or anyone else, but it has to come out. It has to be acknowledged.

    A dear friend of mine lost her husband unexpectedly a few months ago.

    She is angry.
    She is sad.
    She is broken.
    She is disappointed with life.

    And yet people keep telling her to stay positive and calm, that she has to live for her daughter, and that her whole life is still ahead of her.

    Seriously? That’s the advice?

    Yes, all of that may be true.

    But let her say that right now, for her, there is no life.

    Let her say that her life ended with his death.

    At least for now.

    She will find her way back eventually. But first, she needs time to grieve. She needs time to feel everything she feels.

    Life is not always rainbows and sunshine.

    Sometimes we have the right to be angry.

    We have the right to be disappointed.

    We have the right to listen to loud music, shut the world out for a while, and not care what anyone thinks.

    We have the right to turn inward and sit with whatever is there.

    Being human means feeling all of it.

    Not just the emotions that make other people comfortable.

    I am a kind person.

    But I can also be bitchy.

    And honestly, that just makes me authentic.

    Sometimes I feel like we are judged for not behaving the way we’re expected to.

    Living true to ourselves isn’t about feeling positive all the time. It’s about allowing ourselves to be fully human.

  • Patience

    Patience is one of the biggest virtues — and one of the biggest challenges, I would say. Especially in times like these. Everything is fast, short, half-felt, half-said. It looks like we are all rushing somewhere, but where? Another goal, another job, another meeting, another trip.

    And we want everything fast.
    Fast money, fast diet results, fast cars… fast, fast, fast.

    No one wants to wait anymore. We even get upset when a package is not delivered in one day, because somehow two days feels like too much waiting.

    But in waiting, there is so much excitement.
    And so much learning.

    Learning how to be patient.

    Nowadays everyone wants to manifest something, but there is often no patience in that either. We want to see the fruits of our creation right away. But nothing that comes fast is truly fulfilling. We get what we want, and soon after, we are already chasing another dream.

    I have those moments too, like everyone else. But what I’ve learned through the years is that when I got something quickly, I didn’t appreciate it for very long. I am always grateful for everything, but the longer the wait, the deeper the joy after receiving it. And when I know I truly wanted something badly, I thank for it every single day. Because I remember the feeling of waiting, and how much it meant to me.

    Waiting builds resilience.
    And with time, being patient becomes easier.

    Besides… where are we all going so fast?

    Life is so beautiful. We are living in an abundance of so many things. Let’s stop for a moment and enjoy what is right in front of us, with gratitude, because tomorrow may never come.

    We only have today.
    This moment.

    Live it.
    Delight in it fully.

    And when we truly savor the moment, nothing is missing anymore. We forget that we were even waiting for something.

    That is when patience becomes effortless.
    And we are no longer bothered by waiting.

  • Acceptance and Exclusion

    What I noticed when I became my priority was the ability to feel comfortable with being excluded—from a party, from a conversation, or from simply not being wanted or liked. It’s easy when I make the decision not to go somewhere or talk to somebody, but the other way around was tricky at times. There was this feeling inside telling me: they don’t want you there, they don’t like you, they think you are weird.

    That voice inside my head was chitchatting, and I had to learn, first of all, not to be bothered by not being involved and second, to let the chitchatting go on without attachment to those thoughts. Realizing that I am not my thoughts was another level of freedom. My thoughts can go on, but what was happening between my ears may or may not necessarily be the truth. A simple question—Is this thought really true?—was helpful. I stopped overthinking certain aspects and started to examine whether my thoughts were true.

    And even if they were true, how do they affect my life? I began to think about what I could change and what was in my power to do about whatever situation I was facing. So when I wasn’t invited to attend some event and my head was giving me a full-time movie, I had to stop and check within myself what was really happening. And all sorts of things appeared—many insecurities, many fears, and many doubts undermining my own worth. That was a way for me to learn more about myself.

    Asking questions about my feelings related to not being involved taught me that if I don’t want to feel a certain way, I have to change myself—not because I wanted to be included, but because I wanted to feel good about not being included. And consequently learn not to tie my self-worth to whether I’m liked. I think that’s one of the superpowers we can possess as humans.

    I still sometimes have moments when I start to feel sorry for myself when someone “accidentally” forgets about me, but it doesn’t take long to come back to myself and simply let things be. Because, first of all, not everyone has to like me. Second, someone’s “no” only opens the door to exploring more of life. And third, I believe that rejection is God’s protection. So I can only win by not being invited or involved.

    I have my own acceptance of situations and of myself, and that acceptance is the most important thing to me.

  • …

    I was driving back home and was amazed by how beautiful the world is at night. All the lights, and only a few people around. The quietness of the night moved me deeply. And just like that, without logically understanding what I was doing, I turned right in the direction of a very familiar place to me. I’ve been there hundreds of times. I knew the way by heart. I just wanted to see if you were doing okay.

    So with each passing house, I was simply observing myself. And there was a wonderful peace. Just peace. And knowing that my only intention was to check if you were okay. I was almost there. I saw the light, still from a distance. Seeing that light felt like seeing you. I was relieved it was still there. And I felt happy, with no actual reason—simply by seeing the light in your windows.

    When I got there, I parked my car and just looked. Without thinking. Just present in the moment. And, the same as when I was coming there, I felt that I could leave now. I knew in my heart that everything was okay. I didn’t even have to see you—I just knew that you are ok. 

    And I thought: God, I trust you. If there is something more for me, for us, you are going to cross our paths. What is meant for us will find us.

    And I realized at that moment that this is pure love flowing through me—free of expectations, free of wanting and needing. Just knowing. Just the presence of love.

  • Spring

    Couple holding hands walking under pink cherry blossom trees on a sunny day

    Spring arrived, and with it, I felt my heart come back to life. I didn’t even realize it had been quiet until I noticed this warmth in my chest.The moment I became aware of that feeling was deeply beautiful and stayed with me.

    Spring has always been my favorite time of year—I love watching the trees and flowers bloom. It starts with tiny buds, and with each passing day, more and more green appears, as if the world is gently waking up.

    This spring feels especially meaningful because of what’s changing inside me. I feel like I’m coming back to life, like I’m being born again—not from the beginning, but with wisdom I’ve gathered along the way. My heart feels alive, it wants to sing and dance all the time.

    I know now that I’m ready to love again. Until recently, I was learning how to love myself, piecing together the parts of me that were lost when I got hurt. Now I can see that the walls around my heart have fallen, and light has found its way in. I’m ready not only to love myself, but to love life, to embrace everything around me. And most importantly, I’m ready to love someone else—to fall in love, share my heart, and be loved, cherished and appreciated.

    I’m deeply grateful for this, because love has always been at the center of my life. It feels good to return to the wisdom of my heart, because it knows what truly matters. Yes, it’s a little scary—but it’s also exciting.

    I’ve always believed we are meant to share our lives with someone—not just family, but that one person. To love deeply, peacefully, and passionately all at once.

  • Who am I?

    I asked that question many times. I listened to others, observed them, and tried to be like them. I heard the same advice over and over: Be yourself. But I didn’t know who that person was. So instead of becoming myself, I became even less myself.

    I was told that sitting in a quiet place, closing my eyes, and listening would allow my soul to speak—to show me who I really am. So I tried. At first, I heard voices that were not mine. They were the voices of other people. I thought that was me, and I got even more lost. I kept thinking, trying to figure it out, and I felt worse. I couldn’t hear myself. My mind was too busy, too overwhelmed. All I was doing was thinking—and that was not the way to hear myself.

    So I gave up.

    And then a miracle happened.

    I heard my soul speak to me.

    Slowly, I dug myself out from the rubble of other people’s opinions, from the programs I had learned to live by, from old fears, from choosing what I liked, and what I thought I liked while trying to please others.

    They say that when we turn forty, we go through a life crisis. For me, it wasn’t a crisis. It was a reminder of who I truly am.

    Now I am not pretending to be who I am. I simply am myself.

    Instead of spending my time on social media or television, I spend more time with myself—doing what I love and discovering what else I want and can do with my life. I am no longer worried about what people may say, whether they like me, or whether they stay in my life. For the first time, I am living my life for myself. And whoever joins me will stay because of my true self.

    I feel ease and joy most of the time. I like myself. I appreciate myself deeply.

    For me, this is great freedom.

    I sit in meditation every day to remember who I am, because returning to myself feels like home.

  • Motherhood, for G.

    Before you came into my life, I believed my world was already whole. I didn’t even know how much I needed you for my soul’s evolution. I thought I was happy, living a good and comfortable life.

    Before I had you, I believed I didn’t want or need you. But when the miracle happened—when I discovered I was pregnant—I didn’t know what to feel. I was afraid, surprised, and certain this wasn’t part of the plan. But the moment I heard your heartbeat, I knew something magical was happening.

    As you were growing in my belly (and I was growing too 😊), I was filled with joy and happiness. Then, after 20 hours of labor, I saw you for the first time. At first, I saw you not with my eyes, but with my heart—with my soul. I couldn’t believe that you came from my body. My mind couldn’t comprehend it. I understood the biology and the science, but witnessing the birth of new life felt like pure magic.

    I think that the miracle of carrying a baby beneath your heart—and then holding that little human in your arms—is no longer treated as the miracle it truly is. But for me, it was. It was sacred. It was magic. And I knew you were a gift—one I never asked for, but one that changed my life, my perceptions, and who I am as a person.

    In those first moments, I didn’t fully understand this miracle of life. Then I looked at you again—this time with my mind—and I thought, She doesn’t look like me or her dad at all—did they give me the wrong baby? But of course, that wasn’t so. We were both exhausted, and you had just entered the world—it was perfectly normal.

    I remembered that when I first found out I was pregnant, I asked God only for you to be healthy, and maybe to have my lips and your dad’s eyes. When I saw you for the first time, you had neither. But within a few days, I noticed you had my lips. And for your dad’s eyes, I waited a little longer—but yes, you have them too.

    Becoming a mother changed everything. I used to think that when we plan to have babies, we can somehow prepare ourselves for motherhood. But it doesn’t work that way. You can’t truly prepare—you learn day by day what it means to be a mother. And just when I think I’ve figured it out, something new appears to teach me again.

    That’s not just motherhood—that’s life.

    Even though being a parent isn’t easy, the love for a child never changes. It’s unconditional. Every day, I do my best to be a good mother and a good example for you. Some days go well, some days not so much. But I do my best—because that’s what love does.

  • And just like that, one day I simply understood.

    Everything I had been through suddenly made sense — all the pain, all the hardship, all the tears. It was my soul trying to teach me how to love myself. Every trigger, every painful emotion was there for me to learn from, to remember that I didn’t have to search for love —I needed to learn how to receive and ask for love. And most importantly, how to become love itself.

    Giving was always easy for me, but I never knew how to receive it. And by only giving and not being able to take, my whole being was growing weaker. I’ve changed so much because of how my life has unfolded and because of the people who have crossed my path along the way. Now, all of it makes beautiful sense.

    There was a time when I closed my heart so tightly that my soul didn’t want to stay in this body anymore — I almost died. There wasn’t enough love left for me or for life itself. But I prayed. I said to God: If there is still something for me here to do or learn, then I will gladly stay. More than anything, I wanted to be a witness to my daughter growing up, to see her become a mother, and to experience all that life would bring.

    I wanted to stay with all my heart, not realizing then that my heart was closed and filled with coldness. Now I understand that what happened was a kind of wake-up call — a reminder that I am still a kind and loving person, that I still carry deep understanding and compassion for other people’s hardships.

    I don’t know what life will bring me, but I do know that whatever happens, I will face it with an open heart, trusting that I am always protected. Because living from the heart is so much more fulfilling than trying to control or predict everything. The truth is, the most beautiful and meaningful things in my life have come out of nowhere — unexpected gifts from God.

    We think we know what we want, but do we really? I thought I did, but now I see that I didn’t. What I know now is that, no matter what is happening in the world, I choose to live my life with an open heart — because that is who we truly are.
    We are Love in its most magnificent form.

  • Joy

    I used to think that I needed to be happy to feel joy. It seemed impossible to be joyful when I thought I wasn’t happy. But I realized that’s not true.

    A while ago, I was in the hospital, very sick. Even though I didn’t feel happy, there were so many moments when I felt joy. I came to understand that joy and happiness are not the same—joy lives deeper, beyond moods or circumstances.

    It seems like everyone is searching for happiness—I was one of those people. But I’m not anymore. Because one day I’m happy, and another day I’m sad or exhausted, yet even on those days, I can always find something that gives me joy.

    When I’m sad, my daughter has a gift for making me laugh—and in that moment, I feel joy. When I’m exhausted, I feel joy when I lie down in bed and my body can finally relax. That’s an amazing revelation.

    Every day, even on the worst day, there’s always a small moment of joy. I collect those moments now, and every night before I go to sleep, I think about them. And that makes me feel happy.

    So I guess we can be happy or unhappy—it’s just a choice and a matter of recognizing what’s in front of us at the moment. I used to live without knowing that it’s okay to laugh even in the most critical situations. We came into this world to live joyfully and to experience life.

    There’s no one in this world without a wound or a scar. But that doesn’t mean life is only bad. It just means we’re human. Those hurtful events make us stronger and wiser, helping us make better decisions in the future.

    The truth is, somehow we remember the good times and joyful moments—at least I do. When I look back on my past, I see good and joyful memories. There’s no reason to dwell on what wasn’t good.

    I surround myself with happy pictures and positive people, and there’s so much joy in my life now. If I find myself slipping into negativity, I know it’s my job to change that. It’s not about what other people do or what’s happening in the world—it’s about me, my thoughts, and my choice to seek, find, and see joy and miracles everywhere I look.