I asked that question many times. I listened to others, observed them, and tried to be like them. I heard the same advice over and over: Be yourself. But I didn’t know who that person was. So instead of becoming myself, I became even less myself.
I was told that sitting in a quiet place, closing my eyes, and listening would allow my soul to speak—to show me who I really am. So I tried. At first, I heard voices that were not mine. They were the voices of other people. I thought that was me, and I got even more lost. I kept thinking, trying to figure it out, and I felt worse. I couldn’t hear myself. My mind was too busy, too overwhelmed. All I was doing was thinking—and that was not the way to hear myself.
So I gave up.
And then a miracle happened.
I heard my soul speak to me.
Slowly, I dug myself out from the rubble of other people’s opinions, from the programs I had learned to live by, from old fears, from choosing what I liked, and what I thought I liked while trying to please others.
They say that when we turn forty, we go through a life crisis. For me, it wasn’t a crisis. It was a reminder of who I truly am.
Now I am not pretending to be who I am. I simply am myself.
Instead of spending my time on social media or television, I spend more time with myself—doing what I love and discovering what else I want and can do with my life. I am no longer worried about what people may say, whether they like me, or whether they stay in my life. For the first time, I am living my life for myself. And whoever joins me will stay because of my true self.
I feel ease and joy most of the time. I like myself. I appreciate myself deeply.
For me, this is great freedom.
I sit in meditation every day to remember who I am, because returning to myself feels like home.
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