A Path Called Me

Tag: confidence

  • Happiness

    I did read many books in a search for happiness. I wanted to really understand what I should do to be happy. Every book had some kind of explanation for me, but none was actually telling me what to do to be truly happy. I thought if I learned from others and followed the advice they shared, I would be constantly happy. And instead of feeling better and happier, I was more frustrated and disappointed. No matter what I followed, everything had an end. Because somehow, not only wasn’t I happy, but I was also ashamed of not being happy, because everyone seemed like they were happy, and I wasn’t.

    I got tired of learning and searching more about happiness. Every book gave me something. I have learned a lot from all sorts of people. And this knowledge will stay with me forever.

    Most of my life, I thought happiness depended on what I had, or where I lived, or how fit I was. Being in a relationship was another factor in my happiness. And yes, all that gave me happiness. Being surrounded by loving people and nice things at home gave me happy moments. But we all know that all of that is only temporary. One day we have everything we wanted, we are in a loving relationship, and the next day all of that can disappear. And with that, our happiness is gone. I wanted my happiness to stay even if people left, even if I couldn’t have everything I wanted, even if I lost things, even if I was in pain.

    After years of research and my personal experiences, I created my own definition of happiness. For me, happiness is the consistency of keeping promises to myself. When I follow that, no matter what is happening in my life, no matter the problems I am going through, when I do what I said to myself I would do, I feel okay. I feel good about myself even when someone disappoints me, even when something I was waiting for is not happening, even when I feel ill. I know one thing: I stayed aligned with what I said I would do. For me, that is enough to stay happy no matter what.

  • Sadness

    Sometimes I wonder if some people are born sad, or if they become sad over the years. Maybe some of us are born sad, and since they don’t know anything else, they become even sadder as the years pass. Or maybe sadness is inherited. I know generations of sad people. Sad grandma, sad children, and sad grandchildren. Some nations are sadder than others.

    And I myself am sad very often. And when I am sad, I think: hmmm, is this my truest nature, or just a phase, just a moment in life?

    It’s interesting because in the past, I wanted that feeling to go away as fast as possible. Now I don’t mind. At least not as much as I used to. I know that this is a part of life. I wouldn’t know joy if I didn’t experience sadness.

    I guess some people don’t know how to live a joyful life. I was one of them. I was worried about everything. There was always the worst-case scenario in my head about any situation. I never believed that something good could happen.

    It looks like this has changed. Not completely, but I would rather choose to focus on what is in front of me than wonder what might go wrong. Because it might happen, but what is the point of taking away from myself this present moment, which is actually pretty nice?

    Overthinking kills the joy of the moment. We sit with someone we truly love, but in our heads, thoughts are racing, and we are not present. And we are losing the only moment we have—the present moment. Right here, right now.

    It’s not worth it.

    I believe that what we give is what we get. And personally, I feel better when I give the best of myself to what I do or to whomever I am with. People can feel it when we are paying attention to them, and I don’t like it when I am not getting someone’s full attention either.

    But I went from sadness to being present, and there is a point to that.

    Feeling sad is okay, but when something good or funny happens, we should allow ourselves to respond accordingly. Just taking what is and not thinking about what if. What if it disappears? What if it ends?

    Accepting sadness, accepting joy and happiness equally.

    I guess that is how we can balance what is pleasurable and what is not. And sadness doesn’t have to be who we are or become the quintessence of life.

  • A Treasured Guest

    Humility visited me today, and I was surprised—because I thought it had been here all along… But when it sat down with me in the living room, I suddenly felt peace. I felt like myself, like never before.

    Then I heard: “It’s good to have you back. I’ve missed you. I saw how you struggled—thinking you knew better, walking in circles, feeling frustrated, making all those silly decisions, and asking God why He wasn’t helping you. But he was here all along, just observing you with love and care, protecting you the entire time.

    You knew he was there. You knew he was protecting you. He heard you asking for protection, even as you wandered into all those places, thinking you knew better. But he was certain you would find your way back here.

    You had to let go of the frustration and the demands, because God don’t take orders—it respond to your being. And now this moment has come. That’s why I came to visit you today—because somewhere along the way, you left me behind, and I kept waiting until you were ready to let me back in.

    Without me, everything you achieve and do means a little less. Life tastes better when we walk side by side, don’t you think?

    It’s wonderful to see who you’ve become through all the hardship. It’s so beautiful to see how you now respond to everything—both good and bad.”

    And then: “Ask yourself—how are you now? 

    May I tell you what I see? You feel better without the need for revenge or to hurt those who hurt you. You feel peace and freedom. You feel space around you and curiosity for what is to come.

    Remember, expressing how you feel is okay. But saying or doing things just to hurt someone will never give you what you truly seek and need. We can only  know ourselves by being around others. We learn and grow through our experiences, situations, and relationships

    I am proud of you, and I know you are here to stay. And so am  I.”

  • Positive vs. Negative

    I read everywhere lately about being positive and keeping only high vibes. And my question is: what about the other side of being human?

    What about low vibes and negative emotions?

    What are we supposed to do with them? Pretend they don’t exist? Suppress them at all costs?

    Gosh, it seems like no matter what is going on in the world or in our lives, we’re expected to choose one or the other. But the reality is that we are made of both light and darkness. Joy and pain. Love and anger.

    And I am all about love, happiness, and kindness. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get angry or sad.

    I have a teenager at home.

    So I would dare all the “positive vibes only” people to spend a day with her. After asking her twenty times to do one thing, let’s see how positive you still are.

    And if someone can stay positive through all of that, then either they truly don’t care, or they’re pushing their anger deep inside. Nobody is patient enough not to lose it at some point.

    I spent years learning how to be calm and peaceful because I was angry for so long that I became tired of it. It was affecting me and the people around me.

    The peace and calmness I have today are some of my greatest victories.

    Not losing myself when someone attacks me feels like a huge win.

    But there are still moments when something really pisses me off, and I need to feel that I have the right to express it. Not in a way that hurts myself or anyone else, but it has to come out. It has to be acknowledged.

    A dear friend of mine lost her husband unexpectedly a few months ago.

    She is angry.
    She is sad.
    She is broken.
    She is disappointed with life.

    And yet people keep telling her to stay positive and calm, that she has to live for her daughter, and that her whole life is still ahead of her.

    Seriously? That’s the advice?

    Yes, all of that may be true.

    But let her say that right now, for her, there is no life.

    Let her say that her life ended with his death.

    At least for now.

    She will find her way back eventually. But first, she needs time to grieve. She needs time to feel everything she feels.

    Life is not always rainbows and sunshine.

    Sometimes we have the right to be angry.

    We have the right to be disappointed.

    We have the right to listen to loud music, shut the world out for a while, and not care what anyone thinks.

    We have the right to turn inward and sit with whatever is there.

    Being human means feeling all of it.

    Not just the emotions that make other people comfortable.

    I am a kind person.

    But I can also be bitchy.

    And honestly, that just makes me authentic.

    Sometimes I feel like we are judged for not behaving the way we’re expected to.

    Living true to ourselves isn’t about feeling positive all the time. It’s about allowing ourselves to be fully human.

  • Patience

    Patience is one of the biggest virtues — and one of the biggest challenges, I would say. Especially in times like these. Everything is fast, short, half-felt, half-said. It looks like we are all rushing somewhere, but where? Another goal, another job, another meeting, another trip.

    And we want everything fast.
    Fast money, fast diet results, fast cars… fast, fast, fast.

    No one wants to wait anymore. We even get upset when a package is not delivered in one day, because somehow two days feels like too much waiting.

    But in waiting, there is so much excitement.
    And so much learning.

    Learning how to be patient.

    Nowadays everyone wants to manifest something, but there is often no patience in that either. We want to see the fruits of our creation right away. But nothing that comes fast is truly fulfilling. We get what we want, and soon after, we are already chasing another dream.

    I have those moments too, like everyone else. But what I’ve learned through the years is that when I got something quickly, I didn’t appreciate it for very long. I am always grateful for everything, but the longer the wait, the deeper the joy after receiving it. And when I know I truly wanted something badly, I thank for it every single day. Because I remember the feeling of waiting, and how much it meant to me.

    Waiting builds resilience.
    And with time, being patient becomes easier.

    Besides… where are we all going so fast?

    Life is so beautiful. We are living in an abundance of so many things. Let’s stop for a moment and enjoy what is right in front of us, with gratitude, because tomorrow may never come.

    We only have today.
    This moment.

    Live it.
    Delight in it fully.

    And when we truly savor the moment, nothing is missing anymore. We forget that we were even waiting for something.

    That is when patience becomes effortless.
    And we are no longer bothered by waiting.

  • Acceptance and Exclusion

    What I noticed when I became my priority was the ability to feel comfortable with being excluded—from a party, from a conversation, or from simply not being wanted or liked. It’s easy when I make the decision not to go somewhere or talk to somebody, but the other way around was tricky at times. There was this feeling inside telling me: they don’t want you there, they don’t like you, they think you are weird.

    That voice inside my head was chitchatting, and I had to learn, first of all, not to be bothered by not being involved and second, to let the chitchatting go on without attachment to those thoughts. Realizing that I am not my thoughts was another level of freedom. My thoughts can go on, but what was happening between my ears may or may not necessarily be the truth. A simple question—Is this thought really true?—was helpful. I stopped overthinking certain aspects and started to examine whether my thoughts were true.

    And even if they were true, how do they affect my life? I began to think about what I could change and what was in my power to do about whatever situation I was facing. So when I wasn’t invited to attend some event and my head was giving me a full-time movie, I had to stop and check within myself what was really happening. And all sorts of things appeared—many insecurities, many fears, and many doubts undermining my own worth. That was a way for me to learn more about myself.

    Asking questions about my feelings related to not being involved taught me that if I don’t want to feel a certain way, I have to change myself—not because I wanted to be included, but because I wanted to feel good about not being included. And consequently learn not to tie my self-worth to whether I’m liked. I think that’s one of the superpowers we can possess as humans.

    I still sometimes have moments when I start to feel sorry for myself when someone “accidentally” forgets about me, but it doesn’t take long to come back to myself and simply let things be. Because, first of all, not everyone has to like me. Second, someone’s “no” only opens the door to exploring more of life. And third, I believe that rejection is God’s protection. So I can only win by not being invited or involved.

    I have my own acceptance of situations and of myself, and that acceptance is the most important thing to me.

  • …

    I was driving back home and was amazed by how beautiful the world is at night. All the lights, and only a few people around. The quietness of the night moved me deeply. And just like that, without logically understanding what I was doing, I turned right in the direction of a very familiar place to me. I’ve been there hundreds of times. I knew the way by heart. I just wanted to see if you were doing okay.

    So with each passing house, I was simply observing myself. And there was a wonderful peace. Just peace. And knowing that my only intention was to check if you were okay. I was almost there. I saw the light, still from a distance. Seeing that light felt like seeing you. I was relieved it was still there. And I felt happy, with no actual reason—simply by seeing the light in your windows.

    When I got there, I parked my car and just looked. Without thinking. Just present in the moment. And, the same as when I was coming there, I felt that I could leave now. I knew in my heart that everything was okay. I didn’t even have to see you—I just knew that you are ok. 

    And I thought: God, I trust you. If there is something more for me, for us, you are going to cross our paths. What is meant for us will find us.

    And I realized at that moment that this is pure love flowing through me—free of expectations, free of wanting and needing. Just knowing. Just the presence of love.

  • Who am I?

    I asked that question many times. I listened to others, observed them, and tried to be like them. I heard the same advice over and over: Be yourself. But I didn’t know who that person was. So instead of becoming myself, I became even less myself.

    I was told that sitting in a quiet place, closing my eyes, and listening would allow my soul to speak—to show me who I really am. So I tried. At first, I heard voices that were not mine. They were the voices of other people. I thought that was me, and I got even more lost. I kept thinking, trying to figure it out, and I felt worse. I couldn’t hear myself. My mind was too busy, too overwhelmed. All I was doing was thinking—and that was not the way to hear myself.

    So I gave up.

    And then a miracle happened.

    I heard my soul speak to me.

    Slowly, I dug myself out from the rubble of other people’s opinions, from the programs I had learned to live by, from old fears, from choosing what I liked, and what I thought I liked while trying to please others.

    They say that when we turn forty, we go through a life crisis. For me, it wasn’t a crisis. It was a reminder of who I truly am.

    Now I am not pretending to be who I am. I simply am myself.

    Instead of spending my time on social media or television, I spend more time with myself—doing what I love and discovering what else I want and can do with my life. I am no longer worried about what people may say, whether they like me, or whether they stay in my life. For the first time, I am living my life for myself. And whoever joins me will stay because of my true self.

    I feel ease and joy most of the time. I like myself. I appreciate myself deeply.

    For me, this is great freedom.

    I sit in meditation every day to remember who I am, because returning to myself feels like home.

  • Purpose

    There was a time not long ago when I became somewhat obsessed with finding my purpose in life. So, I began my search. First, I asked myself: What is my purpose as a human being? I thought about my job and the university I chose. I believed that if I kept learning, I could become more useful to others.

    Then I asked myself: What is my purpose as a woman? I reflected on my roles—as a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter. But eventually, I felt that there had to be more to life than just the roles I play. I started thinking that maybe I should do something big, something that would help a large number of people.

    Then one day, I made a simple decision: I would live the best life I possibly could, every single day. And that became my purpose.

    Each morning, I wake up and live the day as if it were my last on this planet. I stay true to myself, aligned with my values. Every day, I try to be kinder than I was yesterday, more understanding, more loving.

    Purpose doesn’t have to be tied to big dreams—you can find it in the small, everyday moments. When I drink my coffee, I feel grateful that I can taste and smell its rich aroma. When I wash the dishes, I marvel at how water flows from the faucet. When I see the ocean, I’m filled with wonder at its depth and vastness. When I laugh with my daughter until we can’t breathe and our bellies ache, I feel alive.

    Sharing a smile with a stranger, giving someone a compliment—these moments may seem small, but they are full of meaning. That, to me, is the purpose of living: to be fully present in each moment, and to see those moments as miracles.

    If everyone could truly see and hear what is happening around them, I believe we could all say we are living a purposeful life.

  • A Love Letter

    Dear Love,

    Where are you?

    I used to wonder that so often.
    Are you in my mother’s warm embrace?
    In the neighbor’s kind “Good morning”?
    Are you hidden in the soft light of a new day, or in the joyful smile of my daughter?


    Does the green grass carry you?

    Or perhaps you’re in the face of a stranger I passed in the park? 

    I searched for you everywhere.
    So many of us do—looking for love in people, in places, in fleeting moments.

    For me, life has always been about you.
    Because life without love? It felt like it lacked meaning.

    I searched for you in people first.
    And I did find you—within my family, my friends, and in the most beautiful form of all: the love I feel for my daughter.

    Then, I found you in places.
    In the lake where I grew up.
    In the city where I studied.
    In the place I now call home.

    And then, I began to find you in nature.

    In the rhythm of ocean waves.

    In the majesty of the mountains.

    In poppy-filled meadows.

    In the pear tree in my grandparents’ yard.

    I discovered you in the little things, too:
    In the taste of my mom’s brownies.

    In a squirrel’s darting across the park.

    And in countless other tiny, beautiful moments.

    But even though I saw you everywhere, something still felt incomplete.
    There was always a small ache. A sense that something essential was missing.

    Until one day, I looked into the mirror—into my own eyes—and finally saw what I’d been overlooking all along.

    You were there.
    You had been waiting.

    I had never thought to look for love within myself.
    Never paused to offer love to myself.

    And that changed everything.
    Because the most valuable love, the most healing, the most lasting—was the one I gave to me.

    So now I know:
    You are not just out there, scattered in the world.
    You are also right here, inside me.
    Always have been.
    Always will be.

    With all my heart,
    Me